Terror in Aisle Six

I’ve always found the rules of the road to be pretty basic: drive on the right side; look both ways at crossings; yield to the right if slowing or stopped; and so on.  The same applies to bike and pedestrian traffic.  In my experience, people generally understand and abide by these guidelines.

So what is it with the grocery store?  Does it exist in some bizarre dimension where the rules don’t apply?  Tonight, I did some shopping at my local Acme Fresh Market.  During my 25 minute visit, I experienced the following:

• A woman near the pharmacy, sitting to take her blood pressure, who decided the best parking spot for her cart was sideways across the entire aisle, blocking my path, as well as that of a fellow shopper coming the opposite direction
• A man zigzagging slowly down the potato chip aisle, looking at nothing in particular, but making passage impossible
• A woman comparison shopping for a taco kit, standing firmly in the middle of the aisle as her children ran to and fro, in and out of the paths of oncoming carts
• A woman in a motorized cart blindly blasting out from the checkout at about 15 miles per hour, nearly getting t-boned from both sides, and then shooting dirty looks at each of the two near-colliders (one of whom happened to be me)

I wish I could say these were unexpected occurrences, but it’s actually unusual for these types of things not to happen during my weekly milk and bread run (and in the grand scheme of things, it’s certainly not confined to the supermarket – it seems to happen at every big box retailer regardless of location, demographics or product offering).

But why?  What causes people to completely abandon all courtesy and common sense the moment their hands touch the grimy molded plastic of the shopping cart handle?  Frankly, it amazes me that you don’t see an occasional fistfight break out when two bargain hunters collide in their mad dash to get to the discounted Velveeta (something else I almost witnessed tonight).

I guess I can’t explain it, but I’ll offer this public service announcement anyway: be conscious of your surroundings and follow a few basic rules when shopping:

• If you decide to stop and browse, move your cart as far to the right as possible.
• If stopping in the vicinity of another cart, leave enough distance so that other shoppers can maneuver through.
• If passing a slower moving customer, do so cautiously and to the left.
• If you’re about to cross an intersecting aisle, stop and look both ways before proceeding.
• Most importantly, never – ever – stop suddenly and without warning.

And, when your shopping is complete and you reach the cashier, have your wallet/purse/checkbook ready and move along as soon as the transaction is complete.  Trust me, the small stack of nickels and pennies the cashier just handed you is almost definitely the correct change.