Tuesday, June 28, 2011

That's Gay

I rarely spout my political viewpoints in a public forum.  Healthy political debate seems to be dead and I’m not about to lose friends over trifling economic and social issues that don’t really stir me up all that much.  But, with the recent gay marriage ruling in New York and all the inevitable pot-stirring that is already started on both sides of the issue, I feel compelled to share a few rambling thoughts.

I won’t share my own personal viewpoint on gay marriage (although the tone of this message will make it pretty self evident).  I simply want to ask a very simple question to all the people who have spent so many years adamantly opposing its legalization…

Why do you care?

Is it because it’s against your religious beliefs?
Then make sure your church/temple/mosque/etc. makes a ban on gay marriage one of its cornerstones of worship – that’s your right in a freely religious society.  But why insist on mixing the laws of your church with the laws of your land?

Here’s the thing – religious marriage and civil marriage are not the same, no matter how much some people try to tell you they are.  I don’t want the government telling my pastor how to consecrate the covenant of holy matrimony and I don’t want my pastor telling me how to file my joint income tax return.

And besides, the argument that homosexuality is a deviant, Scripture-defying trait has a pretty weak application here.  We are, on a whole, an “immoral” society.  Many of our sinful behaviors are even allowed by the government.  We drink to excess.  We gamble.  We work on the Sabbath.  Even the most pious of us defy God’s will frequently.  From The 10 Commandments, to the Golden Rule, to all the ancient Jewish laws found in Leviticus (home of the famous “man shall not lie with man, as with woman” rule), none of us is without sin.  If our government legislated directly from the Bible (or the Torah.  Or the Quran), we’d all be in jail.

But the morality of homosexuality is beside the point anyway.  Even if gay marriage does break God’s law, what impact does it have on you if it’s approved by Man’s law?  Your path to Heaven is yours and yours alone.  If your gay neighbor decides to marry her partner, it doesn’t change your trajectory toward Salvation.

Is it because you fear it creates a “slippery slope” to legalizing other “unordinary” behaviors?
I’ve heard arguments that legalizing gay marriage opens the door to everything from legal child brides to people marrying their pets.  Not really.  A good chunk of our nation’s laws are designed to protect those who are unable to protect and/or think for themselves (children, for example).  Two able-minded, consenting same-sex adults who decide to get married need no such protection, at least no more than two able-minded consenting opposite sex adults do.

Others bring up polygamy, which is technically also marriage between consenting adults.  However, I view the illegality of polygamy to be more on the grounds of equal protection and administration (handling of Social Security benefits, etc.).  I don’t see how, legally, that would be the case with gay marriage, which mirrors heterosexual marriage in every way except gender.

Is it because you fear it will destroy the concept of the nuclear family?
We heteros have been doing a spectacular job of that already.  We are surrounded by dysfunction, some of it allowed by law – divorce, infidelity, domestic abuse, etc., etc.

My parents are Baby Boomers, a generation with a divorce rate hovering around 50%.  While I was lucky to grow up in a home that could have rivaled The Brady Bunch, many people I know did not, and some have the scars to show for it.  I fail to see how these negative trends could be any worse in homes with two dads or two moms.  And frankly, gay households are going to exist whether the couples are married or not.  Private adoption agencies and fertility clinics tend to be fairly non-discriminatory when it comes to sexual orientation.


I’d go further, but I don’t want to delve into any philosophical arguments for or against homosexuality.  I’m simply trying to point out that, amidst all the hysteria, the legalization of gay marriage is just as unlikely to turn the United States into a lawless wasteland as it is to send our entire citizenry to Hell.

Remember, at its core, democracy is designed to protect life, liberty and property.  Our American system follows this concept, albeit a bit more vaguely, replacing “property” with “the pursuit of happiness.”  It's a simple set of tenets behind which every part of our society is meant to be governed.

So I ask again ... why do you care?.  How does state-approved gay marriage legally infringe on any of these ideals for you?

Wednesday, June 8, 2011

Old Man Smitty

When I was 17, the pitching staff on my American Legion baseball team (Go Post 121!) was beset with injuries.  As a result, the bulk of the workload fell to me.  At a typical Saturday doubleheader, I’d open with a complete game and then pitch the first few innings of game two.  Then, on Sunday, I’d throw a few more innings before the ol’ right arm finally gave out.  In between I’d go through the motions of stretching and wrapping my arm in ice.

I share this recollection because I joined an amateur hardball team this year, and recently opened my season with a 3.2 inning outing.  I stretched before and iced after, just like old times.  My next appearance came 10 days later in relief.  My arm was so sore when I warmed up that I had to slather on some of my 40-year-old teammate’s arthritis cream (basically industrial strength Icy Hot) to get through my two inning stint.

Why am I struggling to bounce back from something that would have once been so completely non-taxing?  I mean, I think I’m still in decent shape.  I play tennis and basketball.  I bike.  I watch my calories (somewhat).  Even the aches and pains that have periodically flared up in the past (knees, back, etc.) could always be pinpointed to other non-age-related factors.

I know that as I get into a regular rhythm, my arm will start to hold up a little better.  I may even, at some point, regain a semblance of the ballplayer I was all those summers ago.  But, I also realize that it’s going to take a heck of a lot more than my old “rehab” routine between games and between seasons to keep healthy and fit for action.

All in all, it’s just a sore arm – nothing to lose sleep over.  But that’s not the point.  The point is, I’ve finally been hit square between the eyes with the realization that I’ll never be able to do things like a kid again without consequences.  It’s a little disheartening.  Until this spring, I honestly thought I still had the physical prowess of a teenager; that it was just a matter of “flipping the switch” to get through any strenuous activity, athletic or otherwise.

Evidently, that’s not the case.  I’m faced with a new realization that my prime has passed, and that extended preparation and recovery (and painkillers) will each become an increasing part of my routine.  Like generations before me, I’ll adapt and continue through life in this new reality.  But from now on, when I look in the mirror, I’ll no longer be staring at the illusion of the skinny high school jock that I once was.  Instead, I guess I’ll see what everyone else sees – a somewhat paunchy thirtysomething with a slightly receding hairline and a goatee that’s speckled with gray.

I guess there’s nothing to do now but get myself a comfortable rocking chair, a pitcher of Arnold Palmers and a subscription to Golf Digest.

Wednesday, June 1, 2011

Eating Vicariously


My daughter, Abby, is nearing a glorious chapter in her new-ish existence.  While today, her diet consists mostly of fruits and vegetables, soft meats, and bland cookies and crackers, she is right around the corner from junk food nirvana.  I’m talking bright-colored cereals, chocolaty cookies and sugary drinks.

Before long, Abby will be ready to start eating for real.  And kids don’t need to watch their calories like adults do.  They have high metabolism and, as I understand it, a little fat in the diet is actually good for their physical development.  This means that our cupboards are going to be stocked with all levels of kid-focused staples.  I can’t wait.  It’s gonna be feast time for the daughter AND her old man.

Oh yes, I will partake in the bounty.

I’m not about to pretend that I’m the world’s healthiest eater, but you’re currently unlikely to find any cartoon characters in the pantry.  Chef Boyardee rarely pays the Smiths a visit.  And words like “soft batch,” double stuff” and “Keebler” are rarely found on our foodstuffs’ packaging.

That will all change as soon as Abby’s ready to dig in.  Here are just a few of the reasons I’m excited:
  • Fruity Pebbles
  • Velveeta grilled cheese on white bread
  • Fish sticks
  • Spaghetti-Os
  • Oreo cookies
  • Whole chocolate milk
  • Kool-Aid
It will be a treasure trove of artificial sweeteners and preservatives – things you don’t see in the average “adult” household.  I think I’m gaining weight simply by writing this.

I’ve already had a sample of what lies ahead and it’s not pretty.  When Abby started cutting teeth, we got her one of those two pound cartons of Goldfish crackers.  She liked them just fine, but it was her dad who really put a dent in the inventory.  I’d say for every one cracker she ate, I took down about two handfuls’ worth.

Now, none of this means I’ll be throwing responsibility out the window.  I don’t want myself, or my kid, to blow up like a balloon.  Fast food will be an exception, not a rule.  Portion control will be important, as will a steady stream of fruits and vegetables and physical activity (I’m going to need Abby on the move as much as possible so I can chase after her and get a little exercise of my own!).

Nevertheless, I’m eagerly awaiting our first full-scale “big kid” trip to the grocery store.  In the meantime, if anyone needs me, I’ll be eating a granola bar (a great source of fiber!).